random
Ugh. I think this page doesn’t know what it wants to be.
On my old site, it used be a collection of all the random thoughts and bits of philosophy that would come to me at the oddest times. Most of it needs editing and rewriting, though (it was all written about 10 years ago) and I just don’t know if I’m up for editing that much text. I might just condense it all into one post and put that on the random page, and rename it philosophy or something.
All right. This is a copy of the thoughts page as it used be. I will tidy it up at some stage. In the mean-time I’m thinking taking some of these shorts and making them into full-length posts on the blog.
Short thoughts: what would happen if you were living someone else’s life? Like when you ask: what would it be like if I had been born as someone else – well what if you were born as someone else + you were supposed to be someone completely different? Not that I think I was or anything, its just a funny thought – one of those things you can never know.
And.
Do you ever feel like you’ve just woken up, or well probably more like you’ve just fallen asleep and then woken up? As if your brain just rebooted quickly? I get that sometimes, it’s weird.
The way I see my art: it’s funny; I was just asking my family if they thought the girl in one of my less neat sketches was beautiful and inevitably the answer was “well no, she’s not.” and that got me thinking about how I can see the beauty in my sketches (and finished pieces, but I should hope other people see the beauty in them as well. but maybe ye don’t – I know not) because I know what was in my imagination when I created it. I can see the potential of the piece, in my head she’s beautiful, and graceful, and delicate, and all the other thinks that I love about the female figure. And, because the lines in my sketches are not very definite or neat, my imagination can use the excess lines to take the best shape out of them. But obviously other people’s imaginations don’t do this, or the imagination doesn’t do it to other people’s art – just to your own. I’d like to test it though – to see someone’s really rough sketch and see if I see beauty in it straight off. Its kind of like thoughts I guess – I know exactly what I’m talking about but you mightn’t have a clue…
Weird thought about memories: if you have a memory of a good summer, or you think of a certain moment of a good summer its always sunny in your memory. You might not have a clue as to what the weather was actually like, but in your memory it’s gloriously sunny – not sweltering, just fresh and cheerful.
I was just remembering summer of 1st year print when I got my first few mp3s and burned them to a CD (well that wasn’t actually even summer – it was November or something but in my head it was summer and the most beautiful summer ever.) its weird the way emotions transfer over to the weather. And then, its odd the way the weather affects your emotions.
More Thoughts of Fate: what if everyone has a separate fate or something (kind of like destiny I guess) but there’s this individual entity for each separate person – not just one massive figure of “fate” as I always thought. I always wondered how she could keep so many different lives in check – but it’d make a lot more sense if there were a lot of little fates – one for each person that went about with their own agenda and had brief board meetings with other people’s fates to see if they would meet or get a little tangled up in their strings.
And then maybe the fates have their own friendships and that’s why you constantly see the same people around the whole time because your two fates are friends and saying hello on the job or whatever and then when you go to sleep your fate gets some time off to do whatever fate-y things she might like.
Heh heh – not really an original thought here, but still one that has occurred to me…
Dreams of Reality?: sometimes I get this thought that I’m lying in a coma somewhere and this life as I know it is just a dream of some life that I might have lived or that my imagination is making up. I wouldn’t really know the real me then and me of this life is just the figment of someone else’s (well my (the person who’s lying in a coma)) imagination. That’s kind of weird when I actually write it down; it makes perfect sense when I’m thinking about it – but not so much on paper, on screen?
Then there’s the other idea that what if I’m just someone else’s dream. You know the way that some times you see the same places or people in your dreams, well what if they are actual people from another dimension that you are dreaming about and what if you (I) was just another dream character living out a life and the person who’s doing the dreaming only dreams of me every so often and so it wouldn’t seem like a real life. Hmm, not at all sure if this thought entry will make any sense to anyone who isn’t me.
Bubbles of life: are other people convinced of their reality? Because I think that this life (world) is just a fragile bubble that surrounds our beings and that could burst at any time, but not form the inside – its like the ant who is stuck in the bubble of water and can’t get out of it cause its not big / strong enough to over-come the surface tension. So the ant, having no air, dies in that bubble and no one cares, except me, cause I’m the one who dropped the water on him in the first place. I only wanted to see what would happen… are we that ant? Only unaware of the world we were in before we got stuck in this bubble?
On the lessons of life: you know the way people say that we go through life to learn lessons, be they lessons of attachment or understanding or whatever? Well what is the point of those? Is the universe looking down on us as some nanny figure who says “you have to learn this because I think it is morally right” – well okay, maybe morally is the wrong word, because they aren’t really lessons of morals – they are lessons of personality?? Life?? I have no real idea what they are supposed to be lessons of. But why? It can’t really be like the universe or Great Spirit or god or life really wants to teach us how to be better beings or spiritual entities, can it? We are who we are, it is way we began and the way we will be at the end. I mean the universe is meant to be completely neutral – it is only people who feel the need to explain things – to rationalize, to ask why or to think about why such a think just happened – to make everything fit perfectly into their little world. Anyway, then why do these same “lessons” seem to crop for people all the time? Is it a control structure put in place by society, so we trick ourselves into thinking that we must fall into a repeating pattern that seeks to teach us something? Or is it simply that the universe is not neutral and these lessons are for real – I personally can’t accept that.
The things that rule our lives: you know that bit in the matrix when Trinity and Cypher are talking outside Neo’s chamber and Cypher says – you never brought me dinner – and trinity doesn’t answer. I think her head has gotten in the way of her heart – ’cause the oracle told her that she’d fall in love with the one and so her brain is telling her that she’s going to fall in love with Neo on the basis that Morpheus thinks that he’s the one – trinity might not believe it, but her brain is growing little seeds that have been planted by other people.
So what I’m getting at here is – are we ever in control of our own lives? Or is life just a series of the results of seeds of ideas that other people have planted in our brains and we think that we’ve come to our conclusions by ourselves.
And yes – I’m aware that this hasn’t been the most coherent but anyone who thinks like me might get it…
It’s like – you might meet someone and be totally meh (no opinion – indifferent) toward them. But if someone had told you that you were going to meet this person, then you will anticipate the meeting and act differently towards this person – in Trinity’s case meaning falling in love, but if the oracle hadn’t told her, would she still have fallen in love or would Neo just be another member of the team?
I guess they ask this question in the matrix – when Neo goes to see the oracle – and she says – don’t worry about the pot – and Neo brakes it and the oracle says – would you still have broken it if I hadn’t said anything – so it’s weird.
This isn’t a matrix post – I’m just using it as a good example of what I’m talking about.
Terry Goodkind goes on about something similar in the Sword of Truth books. About prophecy and there being 3 kinds of prophecy and one of those is that something will come to pass because someone has told u about it – it is the core of the strife between Richard and Shota the witch woman – well maybe not the centre but one of the main things. – I really must read those books again.
Hmm…. life: isn’t it weird, I had a really cool thought earlier this week and I meant to write it down, but I didn’t and I forgot it – its really annoying the way that happens.
Java dreams: been having deja vu about java programming recently – does this mean something? I mean – deja vu for me means that I’m on the right path – it all comes down to that belief that we’ve made all our choices already, we just have to sit back and let life happen and when you have a deja vu it’s like a memory of the thought you had about what your life would be like. So then that would mean that java is an inherent part of my life – oh god that is a depressing thought.
On reality: something else I’ve been thinking of recently – does the net qualify as reality?
I mean there’s reality, as in the thing that we all believe to be real, interaction with other people, getting feed-in from our senses and calling the electrical signals that result from that input reality. But the net – it is detached – everyone making up a nice little fantasy world for themselves. But can this thing where nearly everyone as an alter ego of some description be classified as reality?
People will say that they don’t live in reality, they live in their heads or wherever, but doesn’t that qualify as reality as well? I guess I’m really trying to define my reality here.
“Actually existing as a thing, or occurring as fact” – I would say that thoughts exist, they are a fact; everyone thinks, so therefore wouldn’t it follow that a reality in your mind is reality as well – so when people say “start living in the real world”, well you can say “my mind is a real world.” yes.
On fate: some thing I’ve been thinking about lots lately is fate. Fate really likes to get her hands dirty in this malleable world of ours. It’s like, what would have happened if a certain thing hadn’t happened at a certain time or if you did something much earlier than you actually did it. So many little small things make up our daily lives and what would we be like now if just once we had done one of those things completely differently… I’m perfectly aware that this isn’t an original thought, but it’s still a valid one as it becomes in focus at a certain stage of life. Anyway, it’s weird. And this is where you all say, “you know they made a film about that – who was in that one, Gweneth Paltrow, wasn’t it?”
On a side note Buck Rodgers by Feeder is one of the coolest songs. I press play. It ends. I press play again. I love it so much.
It’s ironic – misogyny is such a cool word and it means the hatred of women.
Thoughts for a lazy day: life and people are so strange. This world is so beautiful and holds so much magic, but people just don’t see it. Most of us (including me) go around in our normal life trapped in banality and we never stop to say, you know I love this world. Well maybe not the entire encompassing glory of the world, cause its been strapped down by people who just don’t care enough or aren’t enlightened or don’t want to see. But if you stop every once in a while and just marvel at the sun or moon or stars, or even if u watch people going about their personal lives with their personal problems and thinking “there’s no one with the same problems as me” but there is – u just haven’t found them yet. Beauty can be found in everything if you have the inclination to look for it.
Thoughts over work and krispies but not about them: It is really odd the things I think about when I am eating breakfast and don’t have the back of the cereal box to read or any other handy piece of written thing-ness.
What if: what if we were all dead and we didn’t realize it and were playing out a fiction where we make all the other things in our existence up from the reality we had when we were living? That would explain why history repeats itself, because there are only so many experiences we can draw from. And then there’s the whole thing of, are all the other people who enter your life real too? How do I know that its not just my imagination making up the people from things that I knew – or maybe I’m living some massive fantasy that I’m the director of and have just not watched my movie in a while and I can’t remember what comes next – and that would tie in with psychic experiences cause they remember slightly what comes next… anyway – then I could go on the way that when your born you might fill out a massive form thing where you chose exactly what’s going to come next in your life and you make all the decisions beforehand – so then there is no such thing as a life altering decision cause you’ve made them all already you just don’t remember – anyway its weird.
Then another point: people do things only to be recognized by their fellow humans. Life is just a massive attention-seeking stunt. Everything we do we want people to notice, and notice the fact that we are here and doing this so please reinforce to us that we are alive and mean something and recognize our existence. But I guess that really ties in with my first point as well cause we know deep down that nothing is real so we do things to reinforce our little dream to make sure that we didn’t die somewhere along the way…
it makes you think really – well it probably makes you think that I’ve seen the matrix too many times!!!
Then there are just some short thoughts to finish: you can never have a depressing night cause of the weather. Okay – you can have a really depressing day if its cloudy and drizzly, but nights are always dark – so they can never get you down by being dull!!
People who are content with their lot in life don’t come up with philosophical concepts – just people who have a problem?? I’m not certain of the truth of this one – cause I’m only talking from my personal experience. If I’m in a state of change or something new / different is happening I’ll think a lot more than if I’m just normal.